


From the cradle to the grave.

by Lisaguna



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Harry Styles - Freeform, Harry Styles Has An Eating Disorder, Harry Styles depression, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, anorexic! harry, eating disorder harry, larry freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27218119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisaguna/pseuds/Lisaguna
Summary: How did they go from kisses In the cradle to fights in the grave?OR: Harry is dying right in front of his eyes and Louis begs him to stop.TRIGGERWARNING: Eating disorders
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	From the cradle to the grave.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you want a sequel/ a part two :) x

“Harry stop. You’re not going you’re too weak to even tie your shoes!” Louis tried to reach Harry’s arm, but the younger boy turned away. “You don’t tell me what to do Louis. I am perfectly capable of going to the gym and you won’t stop me. All you do is trying to control me, what is wrong with you?”, “No Harry what is wrong with YOU?” The older boy screamed, tears now racing down his cheek and falling onto the blue sheets. “What is wrong with you Harry? When did you become that person? When did you become so cold? I love you and I need you, I need you so so bad. Don’t you understand that?”. The sheets had long turned a darker, almost black shade of blue where Louis’ tears had soaked them. The two boys had been stuck in their bedroom for hours now, arguing, crying, shouting and Louis felt like Harry was spiralling right in front of his own eyes. It was supposed to be a happy day. Yes, Harry had only awoken at noon, but Louis was glad the younger boy gave his body its much needed rest, especially since Harry couldn’t allow himself to sleep at night. They had cuddled in bed and Louis had even been allowed to touch Harry’s stomach for a little while. They had braided each other’s hair and Harry kept whispering sweet nothings into Louis’ ear, until the blue eyed boy felt dizzy, because they loved each other so much, it almost hurt. And then it actually hurt. Because Louis brought up he prospect of drinking some of the ensure Harry’s doctor prescribed him. Because Harry immediately let go of Louis’ hand and looked at him in utter betrayal, as if the older one had just murdered his family. As if Louis had insulted him on such a deep level that Harry had to scurry away into furthest corner of the bed and draw his bony knees to his even bonier chest and glare at his lover. And when Louis had sighed and got up to get the bottle- because Harry was wasting away and because his heart rate was too low, and because he knew the only thing that his boyfriend had consumed for the past two days was ice cubes, and also because he didn’t want to call the ambulance once again- Harry broke down crying. “I can’t do it Lou, please I can’t.” “Yes you can my love, you’re so much stronger than you think!” “I c-can’t, I’ve been trying for years, p-please don’t make me”. “Haz please, I don’t want to take you to the ER. Try for me. Here darling, one sip at at a time”. And after lots of tears and hiccups and a small panic attack they had made it through half a bottle, but then he refused to open his mouth and got angry and finally threw the bottle against the wall. And now everything was covered in sticky and pink and oh so torturous ensure and Louis had to count to ten in the bathroom to keep himself from exploding on Harry. He tried to recall all the reasons why he loved the curly haired prince in the other room so much, he tried to remember all the things it was worth fighting for.

“ _Harry stop, I can’t breathe!” Louis laughed so hard, he thought he might pass out. The younger boy was lying on top of him, his floppy teenage hair all over the place, the tall grass around them smelled like summer and his wet shirt gave Louis chills all over his body. Or maybe it was Harry’s presence, he couldn’t be too sure. “Admit it!” Harry said, a triumphant look on his face. “Admit that I’m the best swimmer and you will suck up to me forever and always” his raspy voice made Louis’ ears ring and his heart was beating so hard, he was sure it would break out of his chest any minute. “Well-“ he whispered, “I can’t do you that favour. I might have something else to admit though”. Harry’s eyes widened for a split second, then he smirked and licked his pink lips “And what would that be?”.For a minute, everything was dead silent, the only thing they could hear was the lake, softly splashing in the background and their laboured breaths meeting in the little space between them. Then, Green met blue and the next thing Louis felt was the warmth of Harry’s lips on his and the next thing he tasted was the tang of salt and vinegar, because Harry had been eating crisps, and finally he looked into the boys sparkling green, green eyes. That’s when he knew._

When he left the bathroom, Harry was nowhere to be seen. “Haz?” Louis called out but he didn’t have to wait for long, until he heard a soft cry coming from the end of the bed. And there he was, sitting on the floor, with trembling hands and empty eyes, because his body was too exhausted to support itself. The moon was shining through the window and made Harry look thinner than ever. His grey skin stretched painfully over his forehead that seemed to grow larger with every pound Harry lost. His once thick and long hair was nestled into a messy bun, stray curls hanging loosely and framing his hollow face that appeared comically large on the boys thin neck. His teeth had always been yellow since throwing up had been one of his ‘habits’ since he was a child but they never looked so brittle and protruding as they did now. Louis had long learned to cope with the jutting hip bones, the ribs poking him in every hug and the stick thin thighs that could no longer support the tall boy, but the day Harry’s breath started to smell like acetone was the day he felt repulsed for the first time ever.

_“Harry stop-“ Louis pulled away from the kiss and tried to shake the chills that crawled up his spine. “What’s wrong?” Harry asked, looking at Louis with his huge sad eyes. “Darling, I want you to get your coat, I’m driving you to to the hospital right now”  
That night the doctor ordered an immediate tube feed because he was worried Harry might go into cardiac arrest. “I won't be able to taste my food!” Harry had cried.  
“But you're not eating anything!’-Louis wanted to shout, but instead he held his boyfriends hand as he was crying in his hospital bed, hooked up to countless machines and fighting for his live, because he just couldn’t eat.  
  
_

“You remember when we were happy?” Louis whispered as he picked Harry up from the floor and helped him sit down on the bed. “You remember when I was fat you mean.”, the boy scoffed and gave a defiant glare. That’s when Louis couldn’t take it anymore.

“GOD HARRY SHUT UP! WHEN WILL YOU UNDERSTAND? IT.WAS.NEVER.ABOUT.YOUR.WEIGHT! GET A GRIP, YOU WERE NEVR FAT AND YOU NEVer WILL BE. EVEN IF YOU WERE, WHO GIVES A SHIT? I DIDNT FALL FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU HAD A FUCKING THIGH GAP.”

Louis’ breath was staggered now, he was choking on his tears and his whole chest was burning. “Do you even love me? Have you ever loved me? Be honest.” Harry just stared at him with wide eyes, “o-of course I l-love you-“ “Don’t fucking lie to me Harry. The only thing you love is your eating disorder and we both know it. How do I fit in the picture? Am I just here to take all your shit? Or am I a nice distraction from the hunger pains? How much calories do you burn when fucking me Harry? 100, 200? Maybe that’ll finally be enough to loose all the excess fat in your brain. Who needs a functioning brain anyways, when you can have strokes and heart attacks and seizures huh?” He knew he was going too far but he just couldn’t stop. He was so tired of all the arguments, all the fighting all those lies. Nevertheless Harry had started crying and eventually Louis snapped out of it and rushed over to hug him and tell him he was sorry and that he loved him and would love him forever and ever. And Harry said that he was trying, he really was and that he would have another ensure tomorrow and Louis said he believed him and that he was proud of him for trying, even though they both knew that Harry was making another promise he wouldn’t keep.

_“Harry stop- you’re not fat. You’re perfect just the way you are”. The two had been dating for about a year before Harry started becoming more open about how he felt. He started trusting Louis enough to tell him about his occasional issues with food and the random waves of sadness that hit him out of nowhere and how he sometimes couldn’t quite get out of bed. And Louis had been lovely and supportive and Harry had felt so much better because finally someone knew and he didn’t have to deal with it on his own- but after a while even Louis couldn’t save him from his demons anymore. The boys had just finished dinner and while Louis was lying on the sofa, Harry had been staring at himself in the mirror, pointing out every flaw he could possibly find. Later that night Louis had found Harry in the bathroom, the stench of vomit filling the air and sick staining the toilet and Harry’s jumper. And Louis promised Harry that he was gonna help him through his and that they could go see a therapist and everything would be fine. If only they knew that this was just the beginning.._

“I’m gonna go to the gym now.” Harry whispered and made and attempt to get up, not without feeling fuzzy and faint of course. “Harry stop. You’re not going you’re too weak to even tie your shoes!” Louis tried to reach Harry’s arm, but the younger boy turned away. “You don’t tell me what to do Louis. I am perfectly capable of going to the gym and you won’t stop me. All you do is trying to control me, what is wrong with you?”  
And Louis felt the cycle restarting...


End file.
